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Investigation Notes调查手记

Updated: Oct 23, 2023


Investigation Notes




* 參考圖片


Find the Chinese version by scrolling down.全中文版置於最下方。


In the fall of 2021, I taught at a university in Beijing. A girl in the class timidly sent me a message saying that she has missed a lot of classes, very sorry and want to talk to me in person. I bought her a cup of milk tea and asked her if something had happened

.

"Well, it's nothing, just...just, I tried to commit suicide a few days ago."

I was so shocked that I stared at her blankly.

What did you say? What happened?

Then she told me intermittently that she took a lot of sleeping pills at home late at night and passed out in the bathroom. Fortunately, her grandma found her while going to the toilet at night and rushed to the hospital for gastric lavage, which saved her life. I held her and cried. I said "you don’t know how good you are and how many people love you." This girl is indeed very good. She got good grades in my film studies course, writes beautiful calligraphy, has created interesting screenwriting works, and speaks English fluently.


After comforting her for a while, she asked me, "Teacher, what do you think about liking people of the same sex? " I just vaguely guessed what was wrong with her. Severe depression and suicidal tendencies turned out to be caused by relationships with homosexuals.


She said "I have an emotionally stable girlfriend and the two have a tacit understanding. However, huge pressure comes from the people around you. My girlfriend’s mother liked her very much at first and only regarded her as her daughter’s good friend. Once she found out that the two girls were in a relationship, the mother flew into a rage and said that she was leading her daughter badly. "


She would never dare to tell the truth to her parents, and even her friends in the dormitory would ridicule her when she called her lover. The breathless pressure made her desperate. It was not until the last moment that she asked for help. She found an excuse to apologize for missing class and wanted to talk to the teacher.


Frankly, I'm a little surprised by the pressure she's experiencing. Beijing in the 2020s, please! Homosexuality is a very distant legend? Haven't you watched "Happy Together", "Brokeback Mountain" and "Face"? Well, even if not,

You know the "East Palace and West Palace" under the city of Beijing, right? Now that I think about it, I do seem to be a bit harsh on others. I am a professional who uses film as a cognitive perspective, but others may not. Older people may have prejudices against homosexuality, and younger people may also have prejudices against homosexuality. When I was in college, homosexuality was a mysterious but respectable topic. Now, various political decrees on the Chinese Internet have made LGBTQ+ an untouchable existence.


For example, on Valentine's Day in 2009, a lesbian couple took wedding photos on Qianmen Street in Beijing (a famous attraction), The news of the photo was published in mainstream media. But now, the topic of homosexuality doesn’t even deserve a #超话 on social media.

People seem to have no normal information channels to learn about the LGBTQ+ community.


For this girl, I encourage her to go to the UK, France, Taiwan, and Canada. In short, there are so many places where same-sex marriage is legal, and it is worth working hard for happiness. At that time, I thought such a country or region was fantastic.

Everyone accepts LGBTQ+ people with open arms. Until I came to Canada and saw the Parents March against SOGI in 2023. It must be admitted that Canada's protection of gay rights is still excellent, at least far beyond that of China. However, society is still not tolerant of the transgender community.


So I conducted this brief independent investigation with questions. I summarized some of the concerns of parents who oppose SOGI

Worry:

First, children will be taught bad things. However, if a homosexual cannot be "taught" to be heterosexual, then why?

Will children who believe they are heterosexuals easily be taught to be homosexuals?

Second, children will try to cross gender because of uncertainty, rebellion, and curiosity. However, the child himself does not know how to take medicine

Will it be painful? Will the surgery be painful? If gender expression is changed just out of curiosity - how many days do boys want to wear it

If a girl wants to keep her hair short for a few days, what's the harm?

Third, parents cannot intervene. According to Canadian law, this is indeed the case, but parents who have been in their family for more than ten years

Is education so unconfident? If your children are unwilling to communicate with you about such an important decision as gender reassignment surgery, then it’s the parents who should reflect, not the school, right?


Let’s go back to the original intention of SOGI, which is to build an inclusive environment. This doesn't mean I have to become someone else,

But when I find that others are different from me, I can understand, accept, and continue to accept his/her character, personality, and hobbies,

decide whether you want to make friends or not.


I have several LGBTQ+ friends. Some of them have outstanding artistic talents, and some have high academic achievements

Accomplishments (yes, the scholar who found many problems with my paper. Although I am not happy, I have to admit it),

Some people are very passionate about technology, and some are very capable of cosmetics sales. They deserve to be respected and live a happy life.


We Chinese call our parents "parents", implying that parents should be responsible for important things. But parents are first and foremost "family", home

People just need to understand and love. The mother of my student’s girlfriend happily accepted her as her daughter’s friend, in love

The person's role is regarded as the same as the enemy, but she is still her, nothing has changed. I hope there are fewer stories like this, and even fewer.


2021年秋天,我在北京一所高校里任教。班里有个女生怯生生地发信息给我,说自己缺课很多,很对不起,想找我当面聊一聊。我给她买了杯奶茶,问她是不是出了什么事。

“呃,也没什么,就是……就是,我前几天尝试自杀了”。我当时震惊极了,楞楞地盯着她。“你说什么?怎么回事?”

接下来她断断续续地告诉我,她深夜在家吞了很多很多安眠药,倒在洗手间。幸亏奶奶夜里上厕所发现了她,赶紧送到医院洗胃,才救回一条命。当时我抱着她哭了。我说,你不知道自己有多优秀,有那么多人爱你。这个女生确实非常优秀,她在我的电影研究课程上成绩很好,写得一手漂亮的毛笔字,创作过有趣的编剧作品,英语也说得很流利。

安抚了一阵后,她问我,老师,你对喜欢同性这件事怎么看? 我才隐约猜到她的心病。严重抑郁、自杀倾向,原来源自于与同性恋人的情感。她有一个情感稳定的女朋友,两人很默契。但是,巨大的压力来自于周围的人们。女朋友的妈妈一开始很喜欢她,只当她是女儿的好朋友。一旦发现这两个女孩子在谈恋爱,妈妈勃然大怒,说她带坏了自己的女儿。

她对自己父母是万万不敢告之真相的,连同宿舍的朋友也会在她给爱人打电话时冷嘲热讽。喘不过气的压力让她走投无路,直到求救的最后一刻,她才找来为缺课道歉的借口,想和老师聊一聊。


坦率地说,我对她遭遇的压力有一点惊讶。2020年代的北京哎,拜托!同性恋是个很遥远的传说吗?你们没有看过《春光乍泄》《断背山》《面子》吗?好吧,就算没有,北京城根儿下的《东宫西宫》总知道吧?现在想来,我确实有点苛责别人。

我是一个把电影当作认知视角的专业人士,其他人未必。年长的人也许对同性恋存有偏见,年轻人可能也是一样。在我上大学的时候,同性恋是个神秘却值得尊重的话题,而现在,中文互联网上各种政令让LGBTQ+变成了不可触碰的存在。






*參考圖片


举个例子,在2009年情人节,一对女同性恋在北京前门大街(著名景点)拍摄婚纱照的新闻在主流媒体刊登。但现在,同性恋话题连在社交媒体上的一个#超话都不配有。人们似乎没有正常的信息渠道可以了解LGBTQ+社群。

对于这个女生,我鼓励她去英国,去法国,去台湾,去加拿大,总之有那么多同性婚姻合法的地方,值得为幸福努力一下啊。当时,我以为这样的国家或地区就是梦幻般的存在,每个人都张开双臂接LGBTQ+的人们。

直到我来到加拿大,我看到了2023年反对SOGI的家长大游行。必须承认,加拿大对同性恋的权利保护还是很好的,至少超越中国太多太多。但是社会对跨性别群体依然不够包容。


于是我带着疑问,做了这期简短的独立调查。我总结了反对SOGI的家长们的几点担

忧:

第1, 孩子会被教坏。可是,如果一个同性恋无法被“教”成异性恋,那么为什么相

信自己的异性恋子女会轻易被教成同性恋呢?

第2, 孩子会因为不确定、叛逆、好奇而尝试跨性别。可是,孩子自己不知道吃药

会苦、做手术会痛吗?如果仅仅因为好奇改变性别表达——男孩子想穿几天

的裙子,女孩子想留几天短发,又有什么伤害呢?

第3, 家长无法干预。依照加拿大的法律确实如此,但是家长对自己十几年的家庭

教育如此不自信吗?像变性手术这么重大的决定,如果子女都不愿和你沟通,那应该反思的是家长而不是学校吧?


让我们回到SOGI的初衷,就是要建立一个包容的环境。这不意味着我要变成别人,而是当发现别人和我不一样时,我能理解,能接受,能继续因为他/她的人品、性格、爱好来决定要不要交朋友。

我有几位LGBTQ+的朋友。他们中有人有着出色的艺术天赋,有人拥有很高的学术造诣(对,就是发现我论文有很多问题的学者。我虽然不开心,但不得不承认这一点),有人对科技有着极大热情,有人在彩妆销售上很有能力。他们值得被尊重,值得幸福的生

活。


我们中国人称父母是“家长”,暗示父母应当掌管重要的事。但父母首先是“家人”,家人就是要去理解,去爱。我的学生的女朋友的母亲,欢喜地接纳她作为女儿的朋友,对恋人的角色就视同仇敌,但她还是她,没有任何改变。希望这样的故事能少一些,再少一些。




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